What do I want? That is one huge, gigantic question which I couldn’t answer. Sometimes I feel I want to be in a relationship. To be able to love, and to be loved. To do all the things I want to do. To treat the person in my very own way. To share priceless time. To enjoy great conversations, moments.
I will give the person all my best –exactly the way the person deserves. I’d love to do all this. I really do. This might sound weird (what is not weird about me?) but I don’t do certain things because I’m saving it. I wanna do it with someone I love.
Its nice to have someone who you are always looking forward to see. A person you would dressed up, put on ur favourite perfume and feel good about yourself before meeting the person. Someone you care about. Someone you wanna go out clubbing, shopping, go movies together.
When I think about this issue, I wonder when I will have someone to love. Is there anyone out there who is my type, who understands me and would love me in return?
Before I could even try to find the answer, another question pop up. Do I wanna be with someone?
I am not sure if I’m ready for another relationship. I had quite a bad relationship with my ex. I was dumped when I was deeply in love. It was disastrous. It’s been 2 years and 7 months. I am over it. But I am still anxious that I will be treated the same way again.
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Im not trying to show-off or whatever. But I have had few people who said they love me. One of them is treating me like we are already together. And I feel bad for them. Really. I cant just go ahead and make them happy. Its not what i want. I like them as friends. That’s all.
My point is à there are people who would want to explore a different level of relationship with me. But I refuse. Not with these people. Not to say im too choosy or fastidious.
So, the question is, Is it time? Or its just me? Or Fate?
